LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

And because this picture reminds me of Glee’s Push...

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:57:07 +0800

And because this picture reminds me of Glee’s Push It… Mmmmbaby, baby… B-b-b-baby. Push it! Push it real good! :3

I’m tired of sad. So I’m posting pictures that may...

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:54:00 +0800

I’m tired of sad. So I’m posting pictures that may or may not appeal to all. Let’s see if this works. Here, have a fantasy: Kurt and Puck! I think vector art and digital imaging is the new fan fiction! Haha! Now, what to call them? Purt? Kuck?!?! KUCK!?!?! Hahaha!!! :D

starrynights: It’s the famous (haunted) Balete Drive in Quezon...

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:40:00 +0800

starrynights:

It’s the famous (haunted) Balete Drive in Quezon City. Next to it is Manga Road. (My dad said it’s supposed to be double “g”.) I wonder what’s on that road…Mangoes, or Japanese Manga? Haha.

That, right there, is my cousin’s attempt at cracking a joke. Yes, yes. Between the two of us, I’m the funny one. You don’t know it yet but when you meet me in person, Jesus Christ, I am evil and hilarious. Kind of goes together. CHOS! Just kidding!

Hahaha. She’s kind of the corny one. In a cute way! In a way you’d only understand if you spend a lot of time together! Nyahaha! People say she’s angelic but hello! Never underestimate a stick! She can poke you in the eye! Wahaha! I love you, Bru. Take more pictures! I’ll pick up the tickets tomorrow. If I don’t get tamad, I might drop by your house again. <3

My cousin—who is old enough to be my Tita, and I look at...

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 09:40:00 +0800

My cousin—who is old enough to be my Tita, and I look at her that way—posted this song on my wall in Facebook. It’s wonderful, really, to know that my dad planted a lot of good seeds. I love hearing about how great he is, not just as a father, but as a friend, brother, uncle.. He was so good, too good I sometimes think, that he inspires me. <3

You might have heard this song already I’m sure, but I’m sending it to you again anyway. I am so sad about your Dad’s passing. I know he went in peace and I know it was his time. But a loss is still a loss we all have to grieve. Missing him will be a certainty. You are very lucky to have experienced having a Dad as great as he was. Not all of us have that. Cherish every moment and never forget. Pass on his goodness and make him live forever in our hearts. I admire your strength and spirit. Indeed you have been raised well. :-)

Thank you, Ate Myra. Thank you, Papa. Thank you to my family too. They have been telling me how to take what has happened and turn it into something I can draw strength from. Losing my father will not destroy me, if anything, it will only make me better. So much better.

These streets will make you feel brand new

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 09:01:00 +0800

Under the cut are my answers for previous formspring submissions. I didn’t answer them for the...

Papa's 9th day

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 08:13:00 +0800

Since you’ve been gone, nothing much has changed. It’s just that when I wake up, I...

For mother. Only the strong survive.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:29:00 +0800

For mother. Only the strong survive.

Katerina Angelica

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:28:00 +0800

Katie is 8 today. :) Oh, what a lovely evil genius you will grow up to be! ;D

One of my favorite books. One of my favorite truths.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 07:42:00 +0800

One of my favorite books. One of my favorite truths.

I am not alone, apparently.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:49:00 +0800

I am not alone, apparently.

The things I do to complicate my life

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 08:27:00 +0800

In pursuit of seeing my teacher for one last time (believe me, he wore a tight black shirt and did...

Measure your life in love, seasons of loooove. It’s a...

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:12:00 +0800

Measure your life in love, seasons of loooove. It’s a date! Yahoo! <3 In 525, 600 minutes, how do you measure the journey of a woman or a man? :)

Ladies, gents and tumblr friends… the most prolific song...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:13:00 +0800

Ladies, gents and tumblr friends… the most prolific song of our (well, mine at least) generation. I will never forget this song. This little ditty on love took the expression “No words can express what I feel for you” on a whole new level. Holy be Jesus. Thy kingdom come.

Perfect for tonight. I’m trying to answer my International Law paper & I, too, cannot express my answer in words. (Well that’s a given, I have nothing to express as of the moment). Night, all. Mother, you’re a superhero.

I miss Brother Wright today.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:37:00 +0800

I miss Brother Wright today.

A one in a million chance of a lifetime, and life showed me...

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 16:35:00 +0800

A one in a million chance of a lifetime, and life showed me compassion and sent to me, a stroke of love… called you. A one in a million you.

I’m so glad I found videos of you singing karaoke. I was so afraid that I’ll never hear your voice again.

I’ve been telling everyone that it’s time that terrifies me the most. I fear the day when I won’t remember you as vividly as I do now. I don’t want to forget the way you smell or the way you speak or the sound of your laughter and all of our good times. It’s also the reason why I try to write about you all the time. If ever that day comes, I’d have a lot of stories to read and then maybe, just maybe, vivid memories of you will come back to me again.

Maybe if I didn’t write about you, it will be be harder for me to accept the way life turned out for the both of us. I’m glad I can have something to hold on to even if these stories are just mere pieces of you, one in a million you.

Seven years ago, my father decided to name my sister after one...

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 07:36:00 +0800

Seven years ago, my father decided to name my sister after one of his four sisters. It was my father who gave me the name Reisha, and it was also his idea to name my sister Reina. Naturally so because he wanted uniformity in names, a classic Filipino trait. “But let’s add another name”, he said. “How about Reina Arrabella?”, my mother and I asked. “No, no, let’s call her Reina Lee. After Tita Lee”, he replied with smiling finality. I think he missed her right at that moment. Had he missed his other siblings then, Reina could’ve been named Reina Victoria, or Reina Vivien or after his favorite brother, Reina Leng. Thank you, Lord, for Tita Lee. The latter is just a precursor to a rather difficult childhood and adolescence.

Tita Lee turns a year older today. It’s been fourteen years since we last saw you, Tita Lee but that will change. I’ll see you soon. :)

Texting Tatay

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:10:00 +0800

You’ve always been the non-verbal type but I never felt unloved. In fact, I’ve always...

When I listen to this song, I will think of you, your smiling...

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:05:00 +0800

When I listen to this song, I will think of you, your smiling face, all your goofy ways and how, really, in my heart.. you will be Forever Young. Today, I miss your singing in the shower. The kind where you think no one’s listening but I can actually hear you… and I’m two rooms away. It always makes me laugh but not as hard as that time when you sang Tiny Bubbles. In the shower. With curls and all the throaty theatrics. Tiny Bubbles. Throaty Theatrics. In the shower. Adorable, that’s what you are :)

I found this in my hard drive. I remember you had mojitos and a...

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 05:09:00 +0800

I found this in my hard drive. I remember you had mojitos and a cherry bomb. I kind of went over the limit because the debutante took forever to make her entrance. When she arrived in a chopper, I was already woozy. Alcohol didn’t stop me from feeling just a little bit jealous. She looked like royalty, was presented like one into society. But you turned to me as we watched her alight from the helicopter, and very nonchalantly said… “You don’t need that. You know your worth.” :) I may not have a dad willing to spend a million pesos for my debut but I sure had a dad who knew how to make me feel priceless. I never looked at anyone with much envy ever again. Comforting my doubting head and aching heart, I think that’s what you do best. I cannot figure out how you say all the right words at the right time without my asking, but you were always right.

I secretly wish you weren’t so good and great to everyone. I wish you became a little bit kinder to yourself. Maybe a little less selfless. That way you’d have a lot of unfinished business. That way I’d have no reason to painfully ask life why you were taken away from me so early.

I just realized we don’t have bad memories. I never saw you get angry. I never heard you cuss at someone or felt you harbor any hatred or saw you starking mad. Maybe it’s true what they say, good men die first. Only the good die young, you used to tell me. You liked to say “When you die, you die” when you plan to indulge on food. I bet you, with much humility, still think you aren’t one of them good men. But look at you now! Hanging out in heaven, floating in fluffy clouds. You never took a day off in your twenty seven working years. People are actually amused by your tenacity. How hard you worked, they say.

Now, the world has given you a mandatory leave. Not just a day off but days off. Years off. All your supposed to be sick and vacation leaves rolled into one and multiplied by many, many, many years.

Only the good die young.

Man, I’m going to live here till eternity.

Papa and I had a great day today. It was my thesis defense (for...

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:21:00 +0800

Papa and I had a great day today. It was my thesis defense (for our proposal) and being the supportive father that he is, I’m sure he did a little hocus pocus up there in heaven to help me and my two groupmates survive.

It was a good day. Though I feel like I’ve aged a good ten years this past week (My father passed away last thursday, at 5:40PM, due to a myocardial infarction—which he got the moment his veins, airways and valves collapsed. He had a severe asthma attack that day, drove himself to the hospital—because he doesn’t like to bother people at work, and died within an hour. It was shocking but attacks like that had happened before. The severity of our asthma attacks are almost always near fatal. Papa has always escaped death by a few minutes. Last thursday, death finally caught up with Benjamin Jr.), I’m starting to accept what happened with an open heart. I cannot be sad or angry forever. I refuse to blame anyone or to think about what ifs. I don’t like the idea of “pretending he just went abroad” because Papa doesn’t like to leave us alone. It is not my nature to avoid reality, but at some point, one will get tired of all the pain. Anger, hurt, denial, sadness… these emotions are futile. I don’t want a heavy heart. Life will be a little less joyful, yes, but it will never be sad. I’m very blessed. We’re very blessed. There is no use for a pity party. (Unless, of course, this little party for pity involves glorious food.)

Like all good days, this day must be cherished and then let go. Just like bad days. Tomorrow will always be the outcome of today. I refuse to go beyond that or to go back. I also refuse to use the death of my father as an excuse. I have to move on. I cannot stay down forever. I have to get up and dust myself off after this very bad fall. That’s what Papa did when his dad died, so that’s what I’m going to do now that he’s gone too. We’re almost of the same age when we lost our fathers and he made it through, so I have no excuse. Everyone in my family reminds me to stay focused on our goal. My father and I share the same dreams, and I intend to make all of them come true. Now that Papa has passed away, I am inspired more than ever to continue his legacy. Friends and family marvel at how much of a good, generous, loving and faithful man he is. I can never top that but the next time we see each other, at least I could tell him that I tried.

So there. Today was a good day but like all days, today must be let go. I must prepare for tomorrow. Forward. Always forward. :)

PS: Hi Mama. I love you more than anyone in this world. I know you feel you can never take Papa’s place in my heart but I do love you just as much. I can clearly see why you guys lasted a good twenty years together. If Papa was the glue that kept us together, you’re the rock that keeps this family from falling apart. You are awesome, Ma. I love you :) <3